Decisions.

This is what I've learnt...that it is irrational to fear that any decision I make, could ever be the wrong one. Whether that one decision makes me hurt, or laugh or cry, today, tomorrow, a month from now, twenty years down the track...it was always, going to be the right choice to have made. Because, what was the alternative? To have sat there, still, never making a left or right turn, staring into the blanks whilst time surreptitiously sucked away at my youth? To settle with the given default and vegetate whilst all the magic of the unknown just succumbs to dust...? The right decision is any decision that I make, I've made, I will be making, because, there is just one alternative and the alternative is a non decision that leads to nowhere, no one, and nothing. 

So. The decisions are made. #Iamhaulingassandleavingthisredneckhicktown. J

Life...smoke it like its your last cigarette

"La vie se consume fumes comme si c'etait la derniere cigarette." - Felix Cordier

Life is beautiful.

Life is beautiful. Cos it fucking hurts when it tries to, but we're designed to forget the pain - and all you're ever left with are memories of the good times.  Nothing comes to you for free but that's why it feels any good when you get there. And you can love and love and love all you want even if it means you're in it all by yourself - its enough to have that hope that someone can't help but love you just the same right back one day. I think life is beautiful, and no, its not ever easy. You never have the answers you need and its often hard and a lonely place to be. But its sometimes the darkest hours that makes you see that without the bad there wont be the good and with the good makes it worth the wait, so it can be beautiful... J

All of the above.

I wanto be a thoughtful friend,

a kind stranger and a

good daughter.

be a beautiful person

a passionate woman,

a generous lover, a

loving mother,

a selfless sister.

a devoted wife,

the hilarious aunty-

a dependable employee.

I wanto be able to say one day -

that I am, I am all of the above.

J.

Crash and Burn.

At least once in your life there'll be a time when shit splits catastrophically and you lose your mind alittle bit. Takes awhile before you kind of realise you'd lost it, and one day you decide to go frantically looking for it, then finally find it and try to screw it back in, all by which time - it's been about half a year that you've been runnin round like a headless chicken. The last time I recall having it all there, was  just before my 26th birthday, prior to the car crash of a broken engagement, getting on the train to get to work. Fast forward a couple months and I remember being in the "I'm gonna lose my shit" phase (post the trauma of all the crashing and burning of my entire twenties with a boy) and very quickly things gurgling into a deep psychedelic (and, alcoholic) blurr. I can say I'm probably now straddling the "Oh. I've definitely lost it" phase and in between the panic sticken "fucking find it" phase - so, where would I be, if I was my mind, lost in all this chaos? J.

Miss Delightful.

Baby, who do you belong to? In your pretty little daisy dress and those jaded wildflower eyes - who do you belong to? You got your birthstone necklace and your polaroid prints, your pack of rhymes and your childish whims. And you'll sail around the world some day,  mountains you'll climb and the waters you'll swim. Did your momma teach you how to sing? and your papa preach on you to dream?  you'll travel through every kind of snow and storm, but you'll be smiling s'long as your guitar strums in tune. You'll talk to strangers and and make new friends and fall in love from summer to June, but Baby, don't let 'em tell you, who you gotta belong to, you've always only gotta be true to you... J.

Sad Song.

Play me a sad song tonight. Close the door and just sit here with me. I used to think...how could this ever come to an end? But we don't see it coming, down the straight and narrow - off the corner and on a rounded bend. Like we couldn't make the moon sit still, or walk a straight line high, or make our hearts stop beating until...because today is really only, a tomorrow we were never promised, and yesterday is time borrowed you cant have for keeps.  Weaving between these givens and unknowns, we laugh and cry and battle and love and hate and take and give and hide and reveal ourselves....all to emerge and rise for the morning all over again. J